Walls Crumble Down

Hey Fuzzy.

These past few days have sucked.

My mom is fighting everyone (on the topic of sugar). Let me explain. So I was at my grandmas house, getting bread, when I spotted one of my favorite cookes: Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies. I asked her if I could perhaps have one later. Well she said 'no' and my grandma told her that since I never come over that she should let me just have it. My mom exploded. Lets just say that she said some pretty nasty things, and now she's saying how I'm never going over there again. Also as a result, she's threatening that we're going back home. Another thing: I've been wanting to go to the zoo for over a year, and I was going to today. Guess who went without me? Yea, my mom. She won't stop fighting everyone and is splitting this family apart.

As a result, everyone in my family is in a pissy mood. My other grandparents are being snappy and mean. And no one understands how emotionally damaging this is for me. Its almost like they don't care if it makes me depressed, nor do they care that it makes me want to harm myself. Also, they know that stress leads to premature death, stroke, and heart attack. No, they don't care.

To top things off, while unplugging my brothers laptop (my battery was dying), my fingers wrapped around the metal prongs. Guess who got electrical shock? I did. Ugh. Can this day honestly get any worse?

I feel like I'm in a freefall, with no control, my metaphorical walls crumbling. I feel as though the only thing I can control is my trich (odd, I know).

Going back to what I said a few paragraphs up (the wanting to hurt myself), it doesn't make sense. I mean they're hurting me (emotionally), and all I want to do is hurt myself? It makes no sense. I WILL NOT hurt myself for thier actions. I REFUSE to. As Breaking Benjamin sang it "I will NOT bow, I will NOT break, I will shut the world away. I will NOT fall, I will NOT fade, I will take your breath away..."

Geez, just blogging about this is making me feel better. Not whole, my heart is still shattered. Just better.