Back From The Game..

Dear Fuzzy.

I know it's late, and I honestly didn't think I'd be writing today again. Well, lemmie just say this: Basketball sucked. I didn't care that both our JV and Varsity lost (against one of the hardest teams). No. It's the people.

Here are things my "friends" do:

1. leave me out. completely.

2. share candy with everyone else, FULL AWARE that they know I see them, then not sharing with me. ever.

3. pushing me down so that a more important friend can sit

4. BE JERKS! For example, insults, cruel teasing, tearing down my already low self-steem, etc.

5. They're disrespectful. For example: Laugh during the Star-Spangled Banner, and mock it.

6. ETC.

The list goes on and on, but these are the main ones I can think of. Needless to say, this is the 2 time (at least) this has happened. I doubt I'll go anymore.

Well, I think I'm going to cry myself to sleep like an "emo" (another common insult).

Well.... Night....

:( Feels unloved ):

Anthony, Anthony... Bravo... XD

Hey Fuzzy!

Today, as I know you know, is the 27th day I am pull free, which means that I am 27 days closer than when I started to reaching my goal. Once it gets closer to summer, I'll begin seriously searching for the haircut I want.

Unfortunately, I HAVE RUN OUT OF CRAFTS!!! D: I need to buy some more materials and such. Crafts I enjoy include:

1. Making envelopes out of old calendar pictures

2. Homemade pinecone ornaments & other ornaments (I only do this near christmas)

3. Framed collages (especially good for birthdays)

4. Decorating binders and notebooks for school

5. Sewing projects (although since I don't have a machine, I have to hand sew)

ETC.

Anyways, I need more materials... I'll find them :)

O YEA! Before I forget.. Today in HAMS (Intro to Health and Medical Sciences), we had to type a food log into mypyramid.org today for a project. I'm "under eating" (not really....) and my friend Anthony is gonna die from a heart attack. You're supposed to eat less than 300 mg (or grams... can't remember) of cholosterol a day... His results: 1411. For sodium, you want to heve less than 1200 mg I think. Him: over 12000. Also, he eats over 6 THOUSAND calories too much everyday (even once you factor in his intense running workouts)... YET somehow he's still about the same weight as me. I'm 5'7" and weigh 113 lbs (winter is my non-workout season) He is 5'9" and weighs 115 lbs... Oh Anthony.. Though skinny, One day you shall end up in the Operating Room for Heart problems...

Well, gotta get ready for my sister's JV basketball game and (possibly) my Bible Study!!

Goodnight Fuzzy!! ;)

Projects and Tips

Hola Fuzzy!!!

Sorry I haven't been writing terribly recently (I blame it on schol). Yesterday, we got the sign-up sheet for next year courses! I'm pretty sure what I want to take, but you'll just have to wait until the begining of the next school year to see my classes.

Anyways, in english we are finally reading the Odyssey. Along with the reading, we were assigned a project regarding a Greek myth. I got Medusa :)

Also due next week is my Critical Book Review in history. We have to right a 2-4 page summary on the book, as well as a 2-4 page response. I'm reading Gates of Fire for this project (I'll let you know how it is once I'm done).

The final project I believe is due next week in my nutrition diet/paper in Intro To Health And Medical Sciences (also called HAMS). This, I believe, will be my easiest project this week.

Tomorrow, I have an Algebra 2 test. It's on radicals. I've heard that many people did not finish. I, however, will study, and pass.

O, I almost forgot! I need to update you on my trichy life:

I am currently 25 days pull free! I'm so happy! Here are a few things that have personally helped me:

1. Wear hats whenever possible. For some reason, it works (every time)

2. Whenever I feel the urge to pull, I play with playdoh. It keeps my hands busy enough until my urge fades. This, I have found, is especially usefull while watching tv, since I don't miss the show.

3. Blogging. I don't know why, but writing to you, Fuzzy, is extremely relaxing and actually helps!

4. Talking to other Trichsters. I have never told any of my friends, so talking to people who know EXACTLY what I'm going through is inspiring.

5. Keeping count of days I have NOT PULLED A SINGLE HAIR. In the past, I have allowed my self one or so a day, and I quickly went on a pulling spree.

6. Stay out of high pulling situations. For example, I pull when reading alone, so I try to read near people.

7. Don't give up! Face the problem head on, victoriously!

8. For some people, wearing fake nails help. I have never used this (I'm not into that kind of thing).

9. I tell trich that I WILL NOT put up with its crap anymore. Trich is my drug. Trich is my enemy. I will kill Trich. :P

10. I just try to stay positive and believe in myself. I know it helps.

Anyways, since I just finished my homework and the UPS guy just delivered Gates of Fire (by Steven Pressfield), I should probably get started on that project.

Well, see ya Fuzzy!

Prayers To Haiti

Dear Fuzzy:

I know that this is my second post in one night. However, instead of focusing on myself, I just want to talk about a greater matter: The Earthquake In Haiti

On January 12, 2010, a magnitude 7.0 earthquake hit Haiti. So far, an estimated 200,000 people in Haiti were killed. Many more missing. Only a mere 132 people have been pulled from the wreckage. Many children have been orphaned, and many parents childless. Brothers have last sisters, fathers have lost sons. Many Haitians and many Americans (as well as people from other parts of the world) were lost in this devastating quake. It is feared that more people will die due to lack of necessary medical machinery, materials, etc. Those who do survive are left homeless.

Indeed this is a devastating time for the people in Haiti. I would like to lift up my thoughts and prayers to those still waiting to be saved, those who lost loved ones, those orphaned, those lost, and those still living. I pray for the people volunteering with the rescue missions, medical assistance, etc. I would finally like to lift up prayers thanking the people who have assisted with helping those in Haiti.

Thanks.

Come Nightfall :)

Hey Fuzzy!

Today was weird. I was all depressed during the day, but once nighfall came I was super happy.... I think that it's because I didn't get much sleep. Anyways, I'm 22 days pull free :D

I joined Trichworld.com and Dailystrength.com. I like both. I get to talk to other trichsters and we share tips and stories. Its great to finally know SOMEONE understands.

Well, Goodnight <3

It's Days Like These...

Hey Fuzzy!

Okay so today was fine. 19 days pull free :)

I made crepes for breakfast complete with homemade whipcream & homemade blueberry syrup. My aunt had to leave to go back home in florida.

I made some new friends today, Fuzzy! They're all trichsters like myself. The one I talked to the most was Riley. She is in 8th grade, and is very easy to talk to :) I feel like I've been friends with her since forever. I guess its just a bond all trichsters share.

Then my mom made one of my favorite dinners: I know its lame, but Chef Boyarde Pizza :D

Then after dinner I had the opportunity to talk to my good old dc friend, Max. We talked about a variety of things: how doing drugs is stupid, how much of a jerk people can be to other who self harm, etc.

Needless to say, today was a Mighty fine day. I even wrote a poem (its pathetic, but still) :

It's Days Like These...
By Me

It's days like these
With the misty fog and the soft cool breeze
With raindrops lightly falling from the sky
And the sound of a creek flooding very close by
The waterfall roaring, pounding furiously as I walk on by
And though the trees are bare and without any leaves
I think to myself
It's days like these...

Another Day, Another Victory

Hi Fuzzy!

As you may know, today is my 18th day pull free :) I'm super happy, and the urge to pull out my hair is much much less. Boy do I hope this lasts...

Anyways, today my aunt came back from her blood-brother's funeral (long story concerning how our family tree works out). Although its under bad conditions, I'm still glad to see my aunt :)

Well, my day wasn't too eventful, but (though its cheesy), Have you stepped outside? O my gosh, the weather is GORGEOUS!!! It's warm (40's v. 10's) and sunny and great.

Well I'm pretty tired, but don't worry, I'll write back tomorrow (promise)

Well, Goodnight! :)

No More Exams =)

Hey Fuzzy!

I'm so happy that this week is FINALLY over! It was aweful, and I haven't gotten much sleep at all. I DIDN'T PULL :D (so thats like 14 days now?!)

Anyways, after my last midterm, my family and I decided to eat mexican food... I got a pina colada (no alcohol, of course). Yes, It was amazing.

O yea:

Today, I slipped and fell on a large patch of ice in the walmart parking lot. I made a college guy's day. :)

Well I'm too tired, so 'Night!!!

The Worst Week Of The Year

Hello Fuzzy

Today, I just want to say a few things.

Firstly, this is my 9th day pull free.

Secondly, I will probably not write back to you until friday, since this week is full of midterms.

Thirdly, this week will be a major test in my trich life (since I pull when I'm stressed and when I'm bored).

Here's My Midterm Schedule:

Monday: none
Tuesday: French, History
Wednesday: Health, Biology
Thursday: Into To Heath And Medical Sciences, Algebra 2
Friday: English

I would just like to say that I'm super nervous and extremely stressed....

Well much love Fuzzy!

Wish Me Luck (both on the exams and on my hair pulling problems)

Its Time To "Jump On It!"

Howdy Fuzzy!

8 days :D

Anyways, today has been... interesting. I know you don't know this (as I have not told you yet), but I suck at dancing. Really really suck at dancing. There's only one reason I bring this up, of course: my friend's 16th birthday party (which was 80s themed) was basically an 80s dance party. Not going to lie, it was really fun. But now, I'm sure of it, I begin to realize that I probably looked like a freshman idiot in a room full of both 8th, 9th, 10th, and 11th graders.

However, I'm more concerned with midterms. They start tuesday =S
I've never been good at tests, as I get really nervous and blank out. But to make matter worse, though this is my 7th year taking french (and am stuck in french 2 due to moving in 7th grade), my Evil teacher (mrs. trumbo) decided to basically not teach us how to spell. And I'm stuck as translator because she refuses to speak in english when someone doesn't get what she's saying/writing. Anyways, I'm just super nervous for next week.

Well, I'm super tired, and need to get some shut eye.

Much Love Fuzzy the Fuzzter

;)

Hola Fuzzy! =D

6 days =)

In case you haven't noticed, I'm quite happy (and tired) even though I had a bad day today. Here's how it went:

1. Accidently forgot French homework and book (my teacher's evil)

2. ~There's this nerd (lets call her MM) that always competes with me to see who gets better grades. I don't like it. Whenever I do better, she makes up reasons on how I did something unfair (which I don't). Then when she (insert word) about it all day.
~Well today she did better on our history DBQ. I got a 95% (worse than last time but still good). She got a 100%. I was already having a bad day, so when she asked what my grade was I simply said "its worse than last time". But no. She rubs her DBQ in my face and keeps harassing me for my grade. Eventually i told her to shut up and (insert 2 words).

Keep in mind, I was having a bad day.

3. In english, we had a test. On a book we read a month ago. She expected us to remember quotes and who said them. Everyone, including me, swear we failed.

4. I accidently left my pencil box at lunch, which is nowhere to be found.


Sometimes my life almost pushes me towards trich, but as said in the song by Breaking Benjamin, "I will NOT bow, I will NOT break..."

Oh the Day

Hello Fuzzy!



As I write this, I'll admit, I'm quite tired. Today was better, though I felt empty, abondoned and quite depressed (though I don't know why).



I won the Kings Day thing in french again this year! Yes, I had the bean in my slice of cake. However, since mrs. trumbo (aka mrs EVIL) didn't tell us whether we had the choice (of either kissing a guy or having power over the class), I handed it to the girl next to me. =) Sneaky? Naw.....



O yes... I forgot to mention... i'm going to an 80s themed birthday party this saturday!



Well, I'm going to go to bed before I collapse from tiredness, so Good Night!



P.S. 5 days =)

Still Going Strong (ish)

Hey Fuzzy!

Today was a particularly hard day to keep to my goal. Why?

Well, to begin with, I got ZERO hours of sleep (completely awake but closed my eyes because its better than keeping them open the whole night), I had to "wake up" at 5:30, which doesn't seem too bad.... but remember, I was up wide awake the whole night for NO reason =(

Secondly, in math, I could have sworn I handed back all of my test to the teacher. When she handed them back out, I only got one. Later I found the other 10 or so (i misorganized). But that was EXTREMELY stressful.

Thirdly, though my friends could EASILY tell that I was having a TERRIBLE day, they continued to be rude, mean, teasing, and just being plain jerks. I'm not one to get too mad easily, and tend to be good about lying about my emotions but still, enough is enough.

And lastly, my ipod battery died and headphones broke in one ear. This may not seem bad, but music is the one thing that always calms me. And I was having an extremely bad and stressfull day.

So as you can see, it was really hard for me not to pull today.

Goodnight Fuzzy!
Hope tonight I sleep well =)

P.S. 4 days without pulling =D

If Only You Knew...

Dear Fuzzy:

This entry is not about trich, but rather a poem written on my everyday current life:

If Only You Knew
by me

If only you knew the pain you cause
as you leave me out all together
you hand out gifts one by one in front of my face
aware that I may outburst in tears
with no remorse.

If only you knew the troubles I face
maybe you'd call me
I talk to you
comforting you when you need it most.
But as I lie on my bed in silent agony
you tend to leave me hanging
as my face becomes drenched in tears
I await for you to bother asking if I'm okay
but still I wait.

If only you knew the sadness I feel
maybe you'd be a better friend
maybe you'd stop pretending I don't exist
maybe you'd care.
But no
I must be another "annoyance"
as you don't even notice my silent desparity
my sense of numbness
my life of misery.

Oh, If Only You Knew.

Oh, Happy Day!

Dear Fuzzy:

This will be my ending entry for today. I didn't pull one hair!!! =) That means its been 2 days. This is a feat, as I find the first few days hard, then it gets easier until I mess up. I had the urge to pull today, as I previously mentioned in my earlier entry. But I didn't =) One step closer to my goal =)

Unfortunately, school starts back up tomorrow, which means waking up at 6 a.m., right? WRONG! We got a 2-hour delay as the result of "cold weather" but I'm not complaining ;)

Anyways, I'm tired but also excited that its been TWO WHOLE DAYS =)

Talk To You Tomorrow (I think)

I Know It's Early But..

Hey Fuzzy!

I know it's early to write this, and I'll write tonight also, but I currently have the urge to pull. I won't though because I know I'm better than this. I'm telling you, Trichotillomania is like a drug. At first, it appears to help you cope, like a best friend. But eventually, you see that it's destroying your life, as well as youself, and you want to stop. But no. As I said, Trich is like a drug. Now that I've done Trich, I can't stop: It's and addiction.

Sometimes I truely hate myself for what I've done to myself =(

Talk to you later tonight Fuzzy!

Hopefully I'll be in a better mood =/

Just My Vents And Goals

I'm glad i made this blog. It'll be like a journal, except better because its easier and can be shared. I feel like this blog needs a name.... I shall call it Fuzzy, since thats the only thing that comes to mind =)

Dear Fuzzy:

I'm a 9th grader who started pulling out my hair in 5th grade. I HATE IT. I just want to be normal and accepted, which I feel cannot be accomplished while I still live with trich. It feels like its slowly, painfully, and silently killing me. I have to wear hats, stay away from pools, skip going to the haircuttery, etc. I'm too afraid to tell anyone, as I fear that they will abandon me into my own personal hell. I can't live like this. This much is clear.

I have stopped pulling before, but only for 3-4 weeks or so. I've always relapsed back into pulling. I want to stop so badly. To be normal for once. I always pull the short hairs, never the long. I don't know why. I figure that if I stop long enough, i'll be "cured". But the urge is so strong. I always pull where the hairline is, as well as underneath the top layer on the back of my head. I sometimes pull out eyelashes (thank God for eyeliner, eh?).

I want to stop so badly. To stop being referred to as the "freak" or "emo" kid (Trich has made me more emotional, but with a disorder so tough and emotionally damaging, its hard not to be). I just want to be loved and normal. I hate it when people comment. I have feelings to! Snickers and old taunts echo in my head constantly, making the urge worse (when i say echo, i mean I remember).

I was never very socially accepted as a kid when I was younger (I was sort of a nerd (still am)) and trich isn't making things easier.

But I have a plan. I want to stop so badly. I found this website : trich.org and they have a list of salons that recognize trich. My goal is to stop pulling, and payoff the 50 something tab (I know, not cheap) for the haircut from a salon in Maryland (closest to where I live (none in VA)) so that by next year I look and feel beautiful. I think that this will help.

O yea... (since I'm not sure if I pulled yesterday (or the day before)) I'm going to call this day 1 to my goal =)

Hello Everyone!

This is my new blog I created so that I can tell and share my stories as a person living with Trichotillomania (Trich for short). I hope that this blog will help you find encouragement and support in your journey to beat Trich. Lastly, you all are beautiful and unique =)