Just My Vents And Goals

I'm glad i made this blog. It'll be like a journal, except better because its easier and can be shared. I feel like this blog needs a name.... I shall call it Fuzzy, since thats the only thing that comes to mind =)

Dear Fuzzy:

I'm a 9th grader who started pulling out my hair in 5th grade. I HATE IT. I just want to be normal and accepted, which I feel cannot be accomplished while I still live with trich. It feels like its slowly, painfully, and silently killing me. I have to wear hats, stay away from pools, skip going to the haircuttery, etc. I'm too afraid to tell anyone, as I fear that they will abandon me into my own personal hell. I can't live like this. This much is clear.

I have stopped pulling before, but only for 3-4 weeks or so. I've always relapsed back into pulling. I want to stop so badly. To be normal for once. I always pull the short hairs, never the long. I don't know why. I figure that if I stop long enough, i'll be "cured". But the urge is so strong. I always pull where the hairline is, as well as underneath the top layer on the back of my head. I sometimes pull out eyelashes (thank God for eyeliner, eh?).

I want to stop so badly. To stop being referred to as the "freak" or "emo" kid (Trich has made me more emotional, but with a disorder so tough and emotionally damaging, its hard not to be). I just want to be loved and normal. I hate it when people comment. I have feelings to! Snickers and old taunts echo in my head constantly, making the urge worse (when i say echo, i mean I remember).

I was never very socially accepted as a kid when I was younger (I was sort of a nerd (still am)) and trich isn't making things easier.

But I have a plan. I want to stop so badly. I found this website : trich.org and they have a list of salons that recognize trich. My goal is to stop pulling, and payoff the 50 something tab (I know, not cheap) for the haircut from a salon in Maryland (closest to where I live (none in VA)) so that by next year I look and feel beautiful. I think that this will help.

O yea... (since I'm not sure if I pulled yesterday (or the day before)) I'm going to call this day 1 to my goal =)